I had it all planned out.

I did the research, mulled over who to include and who not; considered writing about the history of black music, or the numerous activists that we look up to - the ones we mould ourselves after. I settled with a plan to teach you about five black women that you should know. Ones whose names were swept under the rug, or who were so briefly discussed in school went right over our heads and disappeared in the rearview window. However, after reading Linda Kanyamuna’s article, “What about Blackness?”, I had a change of heart. 

Linda reminded me, and other black Canadian students, all too well of the gaps in our education system. I had never had a black teacher or educator until the Summer of 2020 at 21 years old. This also means I had never felt understood or comfortable in education until the Summer of 2020. Until then, I had to make my own space with my own voice, to ensure that my blackness was heard and recognized. As that semester came to an end, I made sure to write my TA a heartfelt message. Through teary eyes, I thanked her for being there with me. As we know, in Summer 2020 people roamed the streets internationally to fight for the rights and value of black lives - a monumental uprising that resonated with all black folks. At the height of it all, my TA would come to class, visibly tired from, not only the stress of being a TA and Grad student, but from the mental energy it takes to self-preserve, and fight. I felt her pain. I don’t know whether anyone else noticed the lump in her throat as she stoically explained the course concepts; but, I know what pain, anger and angst look like behind the eyes of another strong black woman. I’ve been her. I’ve bit my tongue and dug my nails into my palms, hoping someone will notice - but they never do. Not unless they’ve walked a mile in your shoes, or are already wearing the same pair. 

That’s the issue, here. Black Canadian students are almost exclusively taught by white teachers, who although can sympathize and support, will never understand. We are also not taught our Black Canadian history, or Asian Canadian history, or Indigenous history - we are taught a whitewashed version that is more digestible; a method to keep those in power powerful. However, that’s not the point I’m trying to make.

The point is, what is Black History Month? 

It is a month dedicated to the recognition and importance of black people, their accomplishments, truths and innovations. Since I am half Swedish and half African-American with an all-white family and no connection to my black side, this is something I’ve had to do my entire life. I’ve intentionally surrounded myself with blackness; black music, black movies, black influencers and role models, black culture. I’ve had to become comfortable rejoicing in my own blackness, instead of detesting it. When you’re surrounded by mostly white people, you truly start to believe there is no place for you. You truly start to believe there may be something wrong with you. You allow the other kids to call you, “the coolest black girl” or “the best black girl” or allow them into your space just so they can see how many pennies or pencils will stay in your hair. You become an object for people to ogle at and fawn over because no one in the classroom was there to tell you otherwise; that your blackness isn’t a commodity, but a blessing. Unlearning (and re-learning) has been one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding and liberating experiences I’ve endured. 

So, there goes my plan. I could sit here and write you a history lesson including five black people you should know, but it felt wrong. The whole time I’d be thinking, “what about this person? Or that person?”, because black excellence is everywhere. Our education has duped us into thinking otherwise. Whether it was those who paved the way for us to have our own voice or those who are fighting today, black culture, people, innovations, accomplishments and influences are everywhere. As I mentioned, I’ve intentionally created a space for myself. In this space, I critically consume every cultural artifact I encounter by questioning:

• Is this artist/movie/author black?

• Do I benefit from it/them not being black?

• Do I like this movie/music/book because of its content, or because it’s white/exemplifies hegemonic ideals that I’m comfortable with?

I do this because black history can’t be encapsulated in a month or one post. I could give you a list of people, books and movies to pay attention to, but the list would just be too long. You’ll likely read it once, then move on. So as this month comes to a close, I encourage you to learn, remember and uplift all of the black voices and actors of our past, present and future. I encourage you to unlearn and re-learn. I encourage you to work as hard as I have to welcome blackness into my life. I encourage you to use black scholars in your papers or bring up their perspectives in class. I encourage you to push back against the institutions that confine our thinking within white walls. As on the outside of those walls, I feel empowered. I feel enlightened. I feel the strength of my ancestor’s hands on my back, guiding me towards greatness that I didn’t know existed for me. As I get closer and closer, I hope other black students, kids and adults can feel that too; as Linda said, “you are possible”.

But, I didn’t need a specific month to tell me that, or to learn all that I have. Black excellence is ever-present. Black history has been made, and we will continue to shape it. I encourage you to take your time exploring it.

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