All you have to do is copy and paste this into your outlook, and insert the relevant names in the bolded brackets below.

Re: CMNSXXX: Why My Essay Was (X) Days and (X) Hours Late

Dear Professor (INSERT NAME HERE)

I would like to apologize for my late submission of the final term paper for your class.

I faced many factors within my control that ultimately snowballed into a kafkaesque roadblock which has manifested itself in tardiness. For brevity, I will only enumerate the most salient factors.

First: The deadline of my paper coincided with the ranked split of my favourite Battle Royale video game, Apex Legends. Two days before the paper was due, I realized that I was only Gold 2; it was imperative that I made it to Diamond rank. To this end, I logged onto my account and partook in a 10 hour Apex session. By the end of my session I was 54 ranked points away from Diamond rank. I quickly racked up a 32 dollar bill (32 dollars post-tip) on my favourite gigging app, DoorDash. My Dasher (Dancer, Prancer et al. 2022) dropped off my order at breakneck pace. Of course, I chose the leave at door option; I try to avoid social interaction as much as possible (did I mention I'm a engineering student?). After consuming my Donair with side of Sprite, I logged back on, and within 45 minutes I was a member of the elite cohort of Diamond Apex players. All my cravings were satiated.

Second: Something that is very important to me is keeping my a grasp on the cultural mood. To do this, I have devised a strict daily regimen that I adhere to: 25 front page Reddit threads, 3 YouTube movie video recaps of the latest blockbusters, and skimming all the headlines on the New York Times. In the days before my paper deadline, the time it took for me to complete these daily tasks were 2 standard deviations above the mean. In layman’s terms, the time it took for my to complete my task was significantly higher than average, severely reducing the time I had to work on paper.

Third, and last: One of my teammates in my programming class group project had not fulfilled his end of the Social Contract; failing to complete his assigned part of our assignment. Being the charming man that I am, I stepped up to complete his part. I logged onto Fiverr with haste, and soon found a kind gentleman from Bangladesh who was willing to take on my request. For just 4 dollars American, I completed my teammate's part, and received my imaginary brownie points from my group. To make myself feel that I was contributing something while my comrade 12,000 kilometres away was remotely augmenting my code, I cleaned my bathroom. After I finished copy and pasting the code I had received and submitted the assignment, my group applauded me for being the coding savant I wasn't. Talk about maximizing value.

Again, I hope you understand the gravity of the circumstances that I found myself up against, and seriousness of the potential outcomes that I faced. I am severely disappointed in myself, and will continue to learn and listen to be the better myself and avoid this circumstance in the future.

Yours in Christ,

(INSERT NAME HERE)