Horoscopes: April 8-14

Sorry for posting this late guys… Mercury retrograde really got to me.

Aries

March 21-April 19

Yeah you’re still cringe… Please stop the middle school behaviour immediately! (Unless you’re actually in middle school)

Taurus

April 20-May 20

Hey fatty, you should make a mukbang channel if you’re feeling so snacky all the time. Don’t worry, it’s gonna be a hit.

Gemini

May 21-June 20

You’re a living meme, and you’re going to have to live with that. Might as well start making GIFs of yourself, become the next trending WeChat sticker.

Cancer

June 21-July 22

Feeling a little crabby Cancer? Surprise! You have cancer. I hope you get well <3

Leo

July 23-August 22

Since you’re so extra, why not become an influencer already? Think of your YouTube video ideas!

Virgo

August 23-September 22

Vir-go? More like vir-stop. Please stop. You have too much attention to detail like sometimes it’s really not that deep.

Libra

September 23-October 22

Why are you so indecisive… What is it you really want.. At this point please develop an app that helps decide things for you.

Scorpio

October 23-November 21

You’re not slick, and we know you have a finsta for every social media ever. How about you stop stalking people and put those detective skills to a job or something.

Sagittarius

November 22-December 21

Wow, you guys are still just so great! I have nothing to say except good job for being you!

Capricorn

December 22-January 19

Capricorn, your hustle game is slaying this week, but instead of being on the same old grind, why not hustle in the kitchen?

Aquarius

January 20-February 18

Are you over your ex yet?

Pisces

February 19-March 20

You seem really deep in your feels… Go write a pop song, since Sam Smith isn’t doing his part anymore. Go channel your inner Adele.