Horoscopes: Holiday Edition

Hyped for the holidays?

Sagittarius
November 22–December 21

I know you wanna travel…

If you don’t have the funds for that, just make your own adventure in the comfort of your home. Binge a horror show that you would never dare to watch — Wow, you’re so adventurous!

Capricorn
December 22–January 19

Capricorn, you give me the vibe of that kid who told the class that Santa wasn’t real…

Aquarius
January 20–February 18

You say stuff like:

“Why are we still using wrapping paper? It’s 2024.”

EYE ROLL AQUARIUS EYE ROLL

(No one cares!!!)

Pisces
February 19–March 20

Holiday shopping should not be this hard. Pisces. It’s not that deep, but you’ll make it deep anyway.

Aries
March 21–April 19

Don’t blow all your money now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you couldn’t pay rent by New Years.

Taurus
April 20–May 20

It’s okay if you’re eating everything in sight. Finals are stressful, I get it. Embrace that big back energy.

Gemini
May 21–June 20

Gemini, please stop updating your wishlist at 3 am. THINK about it. Do you really NEED half the things you’re wishing for?

Cancer
June 21–July 22

Stop romanticizing red flags, Cancer. Even under twinkly lights, they’re still red.

Leo
July 23–August 22

Guys if you need to gift a Leo something for Secret Santa, get them a framed photo of themselves. They’ll love it!

Virgo
August 23–September 22

I know you’re itching for winter break but let’s not forget you still have finals coming up… LOCK IN!

Libra
September 23–October 22

Hey Libra, I’m so excited to see your carefully thought out, aesthetically pleasing Christmas IG posts!

Scorpio

October 23–November 21

Coal. You’re getting coal.