Horoscopes: April 8-14
Sorry for posting this late guys… Mercury retrograde really got to me.
Aries
March 21-April 19
Yeah you’re still cringe… Please stop the middle school behaviour immediately! (Unless you’re actually in middle school)
Taurus
April 20-May 20
Hey fatty, you should make a mukbang channel if you’re feeling so snacky all the time. Don’t worry, it’s gonna be a hit.
Gemini
May 21-June 20
You’re a living meme, and you’re going to have to live with that. Might as well start making GIFs of yourself, become the next trending WeChat sticker.
Cancer
June 21-July 22
Feeling a little crabby Cancer? Surprise! You have cancer. I hope you get well <3
Leo
July 23-August 22
Since you’re so extra, why not become an influencer already? Think of your YouTube video ideas!
Virgo
August 23-September 22
Vir-go? More like vir-stop. Please stop. You have too much attention to detail like sometimes it’s really not that deep.
Libra
September 23-October 22
Why are you so indecisive… What is it you really want.. At this point please develop an app that helps decide things for you.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21
You’re not slick, and we know you have a finsta for every social media ever. How about you stop stalking people and put those detective skills to a job or something.
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21
Wow, you guys are still just so great! I have nothing to say except good job for being you!
Capricorn
December 22-January 19
Capricorn, your hustle game is slaying this week, but instead of being on the same old grind, why not hustle in the kitchen?
Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Are you over your ex yet?
Pisces
February 19-March 20
You seem really deep in your feels… Go write a pop song, since Sam Smith isn’t doing his part anymore. Go channel your inner Adele.