We Have to Move Faster
Intended to be read at 4x speed
We have to move faster.
This country needs energy. We need to move faster man we need to move faster. We need to be prepared to give OUR ENERGY our LIVES to our higher power. They say no one wants to work anymore—I DISAGREE. We need to stop slowing down, stop dilly-daddling things we need to move man we gotta move now. We’re running out of time.
Imagine the things we could do if we all moved faster, if we all ran and sped TOWARDS change. We need to be running daily, we’re going to petition Google Maps to show travel time based on SPRINTING SPEED. No more walking, NO MORE WALKING. RUN to the polls, RUN to the grocery store, RUN to a psychiatrist and get a stimulant prescription. Run back a month later and ask for a HIGHER DOSE. Run a CELSIUS© down your throat. SWALLOW NICOTINE GUM WHOLE pretend it’s a pill you have to pop. STOP drinking coffee in its liquid form you need to switch to powder. Get a large cooking pot and cook 10 lbs of rice, 10 lbs of ground beef seasoned with a carton of taco seasoning and MIX IT TOGETHER IN THE POT. Now you’ve prepped your meals for the next TWO WEEKS, you have time to MOVE FAST NOW. Don’t waste time cooking, eat your individually boxed beef rice for the rest of your LIFE because you’re gonna have so much time to LIVE and to GROW you’re gonna get so big and it’s gonna work you’re gonna get mentally and physically SHREDDED from your newfound speed don’t think about it just DO IT.
We need to be buzzing man we need to be like bees we gotta move quicker like in a group we gotta SWARM and fly past the competition! This country needs to be buzzing man let’s put some ENERGY into CANADA we need to buzz man we’re not buzzing at ALL. Less bussin’ and more buzzin’, no bussy until we MOVE FASTER. This country is not moving we’re SLOWING DOWN, we CAN’T SLOW DOWN. Our economy, our roads, our escalators, our transit we gotta go 2x—4x—no 10x MINIMUM. A bee’s heart beats 12000 times a minute (Garvey, 2014)—WHY AREN’T WE DOING THAT?! Do bees slow down when the hive needs bee food and bee water? NO. They serve the QUEEN. We need to move so much faster guys we need to sprint we gotta sprint forward and protect the HIVE.
Accelerationists have the right IDEA man—and not even in a Mark Fisher-Nick Land-SadiePlant-Nick Srnicek way but in an OpenAI-CEO-Sam-Altman-FTX-Sam-Bankmanfried type of way. We need to put our pedal to the metal and MOVE. We gotta push our bodies hard, push our bodies into the ground with how fast and hard we’re going to work. Let’s keep running and pushing tech FORWARD it has to get BETTER quicker and faster man it’s just not good enough yet we need to run we need to sprint we need to DASH like our lives depend on it. It has to happen NOW—NO—it has to have happened EARLIER. WE’RE TOO LATE. Stop living your life like a non-spherically-moving loading screen and MOVE. 5G is NOT enough. Do NOT settle for less.
2.
Don’t choose LIFE choose SPEED. Trainspotting had it all WRONG man stop taking morphine, diamorphine, cyclizine, codeine, temazepam, nitrazepam, phenobarbitone, sodium amytal, dextropropoxyphene, methadone, nalbuphine, pethidine, pentazocine, buprenorphine, dextromoramide, chlormethiazole. They’re slowing you down STOP TAKING THEM—WAIT—keep taking them just take more amphetamines take more things to go FASTER we need more uppers in society man too many DOWNERS. Canada needs more uppers we need to boost amphetamine production we need to give EVERYONE a script. The younger the BETTER.
Trainspotting’s Mark Renton needs to choose SPEED. Maybe then the sequel would have come out SOONER. CHOOSE TO GO FASTER.
Choose Adderal. Choose a 168-hour-a-week job. Choose an unfulfilling career. DON’T choose a family. Choose a fucking big television to solely watch YouTube Shorts on, choose only rapid-setting washing machines, high-speed cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose FAST health, HIGH cholesterol, and cancel your dental insurance. Choose high-interest mortgage repayments. Choose 20 homes to gentrify in predominantly low-class minority neighborhoods. Choose your friends based on income and speed. Choose 12 pairs of techwear to wear everyday, and matching luggage to boot. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking ergonomic and sweatproof fabrics. Chew Zyns and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing short-form gym and finance content, don’t waste time watching it fully skip skip every second consume it FASTER. Stuff your fucking 20 lb rice beef monstrosity into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable workplace, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up employees you spawned to replace yourselves.
Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got ambition.
We need to move faster. We have to move faster.
