Sonder
Sonder. A word I recently discovered that perfectly captures the foreign feelings I’ve been experiencing. It goes beyond simple emotions, such as those depicted in the ‘Inside Out’ movies. It's an emotion that's difficult to describe, but one that US author John Koenig captured beautifully in ‘The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.’
I always suspected that others might share this feeling, one I believe is best understood by empaths. Empaths, you know what I mean—those of us who feel emotions more intensely than, say, someone with a 'T' in their MBTI personality results. This isn’t to criticize those with a ‘T,’ but to highlight how deeply those who feel emotions daily can connect with this concept. We are naturally fascinated by our emotions and find joy in realizing that others are experiencing them too.
For some, past traumatic experiences might have blocked the path to greater happiness, making this shared understanding even more profound. This awareness often leads to appreciating the little things in life, a sentiment many trauma survivors can relate to.
Sonder is the realization that everyone has a story. It’s what you feel when you’re at a red light, watching people walk by on the sidewalks. It’s what you experience on a train, observing passengers getting on and off, wondering about their destinations and their day. It’s thinking about all the customers you’ve served at your part-time job, wondering what brought them to that moment and what kind of lives they lead. Sonder is the awareness that each person we encounter is the main character of their own story, while we are merely extras in theirs.
Working in retail gives me plenty of opportunities to reflect on the concept of sonder. My job involves constant interaction, and I often notice how surprised people are by my friendliness, especially in a city like Vancouver, known for its cliquish and reserved nature. However, I firmly believe in treating everyone with kindness, regardless of their appearance or financial status.
Take, for instance, a parent who looks confused but wants to buy their child the perfect gift. I stick to the belief in the law of attraction and the idea that what you give out comes back to you. This mindset has taught me not to judge based on first impressions because everyone is on their unique journey.
With so many people in the world, countless paths to cross, and numerous individuals we will never meet, why not make every interaction special? While it might seem practical in retail to prioritize interactions with those who appear likely to make significant purchases, we can't accurately judge someone's financial status based on their clothes or behavior. Wealth doesn't necessarily equate to generosity or high spending. Conversely, someone who doesn't present themselves as wealthy might still spend generously, especially if the purchase is for a hobby or a special occasion like a birthday gift.
Communication is key in retail. Everyone who walks into a store has their own mission, whether it’s preparing for a wedding, a birthday party, or a baby shower. By engaging with every customer sincerely, we acknowledge their individual stories and contribute positively to their shopping experience. This approach not only fosters a welcoming environment but also often leads to unexpected sales and loyal customers.
This realization has opened up pathways to many other complex terms that can enrich the English language. Words like ‘sonder’ are just the beginning of this evolution, offering the potential for even more nuanced words to describe our intricate emotions. As a mixed-race individual who has traveled extensively and experienced various cultures, I find English lacking in many aspects, making it necessary to have words like ‘sonder’ to articulate complex feelings.
In my travels, I've encountered other words that capture similarly profound emotions. For example, the Brazilian term 'saudade' describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for someone or something loved but now lost. Similarly, the German word 'weltschmerz' conveys a sense of world-weariness or deep sadness about the world's imperfections.
In Japanese, there's the term 'mono no aware,' which refers to the transient beauty of life and the gentle sadness that accompanies its passing. These words resonate with my experiences as a mixed-race individual navigating different cultures and emotions.
What strikes me as unique about these words is that they capture emotions and experiences that English, and perhaps our society, often overlook. The lack of these words in English can sometimes limit our ability to fully express our feelings, making it challenging to convey the depth of our emotional experiences. This restriction can influence the art and media we create, as we might chase the feelings these words embody without having the precise language to describe them.
When we don't have or know these ideas, we risk losing a part of our emotional spectrum. We might find ourselves unable to articulate certain feelings, leading to a sense of isolation or misunderstanding. By incorporating words like 'sonder,' 'saudade,' 'weltschmerz,' and 'mono no aware' into our vocabulary, we gain a richer, more nuanced way to understand and communicate our inner lives.
Incorporating these words into English not only enriches our language but also enhances our ability to connect with one another on a deeper level. It's a way of acknowledging that our emotions are complex and multifaceted, deserving of words that capture their true essence.
And so, as I reflect on my experiences and the profound emotions that words like 'sonder' evoke, I realize that this journey of linguistic and emotional discovery is just beginning. By embracing these words, we open ourselves up to a world of deeper understanding and empathy, recognizing that every individual we encounter has a story worth telling. This brings me back to the initial spark of sonder—a reminder that our shared humanity is beautifully complex, and every interaction holds the potential to be a meaningful connection.
